Day 2: Never would Have Made It..

There are many people who were instrumental in my being the person I am today. There is only one person that I can think of who helped me out the most during one particular moment of my life...My husband, Aubrey.

You see, my husband was my pen pal. We starting writting each other at the tender age of 11. There were no IMs, no emails, none of that, we just had a pen/pencil and notebook paper. He had been with me through heartache and pain, the growing pain years, and graduation. After graduation, we lost touch. From 1997 to the end of 2001, I was in a very abusive relationship and felt I needed to find him before it was too late.

During my trips to the campus library, I combed the internet searching for any piece of information I could to find about my long lost pen pal. One day as I was sitting at the computer, exhausted and frustrated, the answer came to me: try his mom's address. I did and hit jackpot. I called the number listed and talked to his mom for awhile. She told me she would have him call me and he did. I told him about my relationship and he urged me to leave. I told him I couldn't..I was scared and felt no one would want me. Everyday, I would call him, whenever I got the chance, and we would talk. With much encouragement, love, and support from Aubrey, I finally had the guts to get out of that abusive relationship (it took almost 5 months for me to leave).

Aubrey and our daughter, Genesis, circa Jan. 2006

Aubrey and I have been in wedded bliss for almost 5 years now (we married in 2003). It is cool to be married to your best friend. He doesn't judge me if I make a mistake. He is supportive, but most of all he loves me.

Old Navy, get it together

Just like any other plus-size diva, I love to look good. When I look good, I feel good. So with that in mind, I was over on Old Navy's website, checking out their goodies when I see that they have finally decide to carry plus size clothing (clothing that I can actually wear). My grievance with ON is that my size is available online exclusively (which we know means, heifer, you aint going to find this in any store, so you may as well just click the checkout button and call it a night).

Why must I be tortured like this?!?! All I want are a few things to spruce up my wardrobe.

Well that is enough of my teeny rant, I will post some of the items that I will be getting (as soon as I get paid).

My thoughts: God Suffers Things to Happen to Sum Folk

Yesterday, my hubby and I had the chance to see Tyler Perry's 'Why Did I Get Married?' The movie was very entertaining and done very tasteful. As I talked to my family members who have seen it, I keep getting the same response..."I saw myself in every couple." Well as for me, I identified with Angela the most. With a husband that has a son from a previous relationship, it is hard. My step-son's mom and I do not get along (much like Keisha and Angela). We have called each other names and have almost came to blows on several occasions. However this is not the reason for this post (had to get that off my chest).

When something is going on (churchgoers would say, "going through the valley"), my mother-in-law always tell us "God suffers things to happen to some folk." What she is telling us is that God wants us to go through some things to strengthen our faith and dependence on Him. Sometimes, He wants us to show His good works to others, to be a testimony. Sheila had to go through the verbal abuse and divorce so God could bring Troy into her life, so that she would appreciate him and what he represented--God's Gift. At the end of the movie, Sheila was sharing her testimony with her closest friends and they all reflected on how God has helped to strengthen their marriages.

Food for thought: Did you notice Trina's role in all of this...Did you notice that she wore light colors throughout the movie, what is the symbolism??

Cassandra's Story

October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. There are a lot of people that wonder why a person would subject herself to violence. I used to ask myself that whenever I watch a Lifetime movie. As a survivor of domestic violence, I can say that it is not easy to leave. Here is my story:
* name has been changed to protect identity

Cassandra’s Story

The year was 1997. I had just graduated from high school and entered into my first year of college. I was young and naive. It was my first time out into the world without my parents. I knew I had to apply the morals and teachings that my parents ingrained in me, but I guess I needed to learn them firsthand. A couple of months into my freshman year, I met this guy. His name was Derrick*. Derrick and I met over the phone. He called my number by mistake and we began to a conversation. He was a charmer, a smooth-talker, some would say he had “the gift of gab” and I would be his next victim.

As I look back at this period in my life. There were signs that I chose to ignore. I thought I could change him. I felt as if I loved him a lot and gave him the support, financially and emotionally, that that would be enough. I was wrong.

The first incident that I can remember happened a late February night. He was in Louisiana at his grandmother’s house. He called and told me he was going to kill himself that life was not worth living anymore. I told him that he had a lot to live for and that he would hurt a lot of people if he went through with it. I told him not to do it and I am on my way. My roommate told me not to go and I told her that I could not have blood on my hands. I drove to his grandmother’s house, which was two hours away. When I arrived, he was standing outside waiting for me, with a sawed-off shotgun. I told him that he didn’t want to do this and that I needed him. By this time, I am crying and pleading for him to put the gun away. He then tells me that he was going to kill us both, that we could be together for eternity. I do not know how I talked him out of it, but I did.

Fast forward, the year is 2001. By this time, I am not the strong, independent person that I was in 1997. Derrick had drained the life right out of me. I felt ugly and undesirable (which was the reason for him to cheat on me). I was told constantly that if I left him, he would kill me and the guy that I was with. I was not allowed to have my guy friends and if he saw me talking to guy, it was pretty much guaranteed I was going to get the third, fourth, and fifth degree. I found myself going to the library a lot. It was my refuge, my haven, my sanctuary. For some reason, I felt alive when I was at the library. It was during one of my library outings that I got the urge to find my pen pal, Aubrey. Aubrey and I started writing each other when we were 11 years old. He was in Texas and I was in Mississippi. We lost contact in 1997, after I met Derrick. Aubrey told me that I should not get with this guy and I told him it was not any of his business who I dated.

We had never met face to face, only through letters. I told myself that I could not leave this world without talking to him. So for a week straight, I would comb the internet looking for him with no success. One day, after aggressively searching, I hit a road block. I sat and stared at the monitor for what seemed an eternity. Then it hit me, try his mom’s address. So, I typed in the address and BINGO! I got a phone number. I called the number and talked to his mom for approximately 15 minutes. I do remember telling her that I needed to talk to him and to please give him my number. Well, Aubrey called me and we talked every day. He knew I was in a relationship, but did not know the abuse until a month or so later. Aubrey called me one day and Derrick answered the phone. I knew it was him when Derrick told him not to call anymore. I guess Aubrey told him that he needed to hear me say it. Well against my will, I had to tell the one person that made me happy that I could not talk to him anymore. I knew I had to tell him this if I wanted to see the next day. After Derrick hung up the phone, all hell broke loose. He called me every derogatory name he could think of, in English and Creole. He even slapped me a couple time (“just to make sure I got it”). To escaped, I ran and locked myself in the bathroom with my cell. When he left to go be with the girl he was cheating on me with, I called Aubrey to apologize and tell him the whole story. Aubrey promised me that he would get me out that relationship. And he did.

It has taken my a long time to write some of the events that I have with through with Derrick.

Please, please if you know someone or if you are the victim of Domestic Violence, please get out and get help before it is too late.


National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

My thoughts: October 24

It may seem as if I am going to ramble during this post, but I am going to write what is in my heart. So please forgive me for any and all grammatical errors

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On my way to work this morning, I was listening to the radio (The Beat 104.9 ATX). During the 9 o'clock hour, callers have the opportunity to call and talk about anything and everything. Well one caller wanted to voice her opinion about the California wildfires and how quickly aid was coming in to help those residents. With anger in her voice, she stated that she did not understand why it took the government so long to get help and aid to New Orleans, but a matter of hours to the CA residents.

This fire has been going on for a few days now. We do not know how long it takes to mobilize volunteers, rescue units, and aid to areas affected by calamity. New Orleans residents always knew that the city was endangered to flood at any time. While going to USM-Hattiesburg, there were always talk about if a great storm were to hit New Orleans, the city would be underwater.

We just never knew it would happen in our lifetime.

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When Katrina hit the MS Gulf Coast and the surrounding areas, I was shocked and appalled at the devastation. I was sad and angry that so many people could not get out of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast in time. I was pregnant at the time and it hurt to see children limped over from dehydration and lack of food. Mothers and fathers crying out for help. During one of my emotional rants, my older sister said this to me: Our people had chances to get out and they chose to stay.

Most of the Cali residents being affected are millionaires, even billionaires. Yes, they can easily buy themselves newer, bigger, better homes. They have lost precious items that can't be replaced as well: wedding/birthday/kids pictures, family heirlooms that have been passed down, etc.

What I am trying to say is that the government learned a lot from Katrina's mistakes and able to get help and aid quicker to affected areas.